We landed in St Petersburg 40 minutes ahead of the scheduled arrival time and approached the queue to the passport control. While waiting we noticed a dark haired kinda-asian looking dude in a long black coat waiving at us from behind the glass inside the terminal... it wasn't KGB at all... it was just the good old Denis Vladimirovich (actually he has the same patronym as Putin) Matveev. In order to give the soon-to-be-married man a hug sooner we approached the passport control lady together... as we do everywhere else in the world without problems. As soon as I put both of our passports on her counter she gave me a grave annoyed look (typical in these parts of the world) and we had the following conversation:
Passport Control B^*ch (PCB): "Вы чё - сиамские близнецы чё-ли?" ("Are you siamese twins or something?")
me: "Нет а что, очень похожи?" ("Why, do we look alike?")
PCB: *giving me a slight grin, acknowledging that I also have a sense of humour* "Да нет просто у нас пасспортный контроль проходят по-одному" ("No, but here people have to go through passport control one by one")
me: "Ну вы знаете мы довольно много ездим и везде проходим вместе" ("Well you know we travel kind of a lot, and everywhere go through together")
On this note she stamped both of our passports and we knew that from here onwards our Russian trip could only get better!
After we arrived to our hotel Sever (North) and were met by a typical Russian lady Sveta who looks after the service. Typical why? Because throughout our communal stay there she prepared breakfast for us and insisted that we eat it. However as much as I am not a picky person when it comes to food there was only a limited amount that I was happy to consume. Our breakfast options included:
- boiled egg (which somehow ended up having grey white and grey yolk... it also smelled funny) - eaten only by me and only on the first day... after that my stomach (totally strong normally) decided it was going to follow suit with Denya (the poor bugger spent the first two days in bed having the runs).
- buckwheat and sausages - I was the only one to eat the buckwheat... the others had some sausages...
- custard croissant in a packet - I had that only once, and the others had that only once I think too
- youghurt (which tasted more like something in between custart and kefir) - towards the last day there was no-one to volunteer eating them
- packet muffins - that looked so unappealing that Robert was more happy to be guilt tripped, than actually eating one
- ham and cheese bliny (pancakes) - those were actually the highlight of our menu, and we all loved them
- our choice of beverages included either very bad coffee (Maxwell House or Nescafe) or very bad tea (a bag of which would only slightly tint a 100ml cup of hot water... very strange)... but thankfully Augusin came prepared with his own coffee, coffee machine and coffee cups.
But despite our somewhat limited menu at the hotel we managed to have so much fun and better food elsewhere (for example at the wedding overlooking the Peter and Paul Fortress) that it didn't matter at all.
On our first day after Denya went to the airport (again) to pick up Robert we all went out to a nice restaurant for dinner. We got to meet wonderful Vika and the unlimited-energy-ball that is Sasha. Vika was sick, so her, Denya and Sasha had an early night, but Robert, Jack and I continued to a nice bar Музыка Крыш (Music of the Roofs) which was right accross from our hotel - that made stumbling home at 3am in the morning, for the next five nights very convenient.
The next day Robert, Jack and I went to the Russian Museum and I had a fun time convincing the staff that we in fact were not with a group, but individual young people who actually like to see art out of their own interest and not because we were being forced to. I love the Russian Museum - somehow it's more cosy than the Pushkin Museum or the Tretyakovskaya Gallery in Moscow and still they have such amazing Russian paintings as Repin's 'Bargemen on Volga' or Vasnetsov's 'A Warrior on Crossroads'. After about 2 hours there we decided that we had enough art and culture for the rest of our trip and went... to the pub. Kate was supposed to arrive that evening too, but due to crappy weather in Chicago her flight took 24 hours more than expected and she only arrived on Saturday. In the evening we left Vika to her cold, and Denis to his "loose bowels", and Augustin wanted to catch up with Anna and her uncle, so the three of us found ourselves a cosy Georgian place serving amazing food. At some point during the evening Jack went to the loo and came back suspiciously grinning with the words "even if you don't have to go, you gotta go and see it". Some time later it was Robert's turn, who came back with the same expression. So I had to satisfy my curiosity too... this had to have been one of the funniest loo's I've been to. It was made out to be like an electric chair - sadly we didn't have the camera with us, so you'll just have to do using your imagination. But basically it had the arm and leg straps and also the thingie they put around your head... AND also an old school black telephone on the wall in case you get pardoined. Funny funny sh!t.
Day after that we went suit shopping with Robert and Denya (who by that stage has more or less recovered from the trots). Following that Denya went to the airport (yet again) to pick up Kate. Robert, Jack and I went to our favourite bar in St Petersburg 'The Idiot'. We spent a couple of hours consuming pikles, pelmeni, Seledka pod Shuboi (Herring under a Fur Coat) and fried black bread with garlic. The staff also treated us to complementary shots of vodka... so all in all we were well ready by about 6:30pm when we went to catch up with Kate back at the hotel.
Sunday involved a wonderful trip to Tzarskoe Selo and Ekaterininskii Dvorez (Palace). We got up early ( about 9am) and caught a metro to Vitebskii Vokzal (Trainstation)... after doing a bit of running around we found the regional ticket counters and acquired four (Kate, Robert, Jack and I) return tickets for something like 270 roubles (about 10 USD) - bargain. The train was an old old elektrichka (regional train) with wooden benches and dachniki (people going to their country houses... usually with lots of bags, or gardening stuff). We managed to attract everyone's attention with our laughter (which is just not a done deal on public transport in Russia), and my foreign friends with awe observed a perfect local male specimen, who positioned himself accross one bench in his black trekkies and a black leather jacket, which didn't close around his large abdomen. This barrel continued to consume vodka out of a paper cup for the whole time we were on that train... which would've been a good 40 mins. Robert and Kate were amazed at his drinking skills, and it was only after I told them that about 25% of Russian men are alcoholics they decided against playing that game at home.
We spent our day standing in line and freezing our toes waiting to get into the Palace. But seeing the Amber Room definitely made it worthwhile. The Palace is beautiful and imagining Russian Tzars and Tzarinas there made it almost a fairytale. We then went for a nice stroll in the beautiful park, admiring the autumn trees and lakes. Somehow it was exactly as I remembered it from my childhood - St Petersburg in autumn is the most beautiful place in the world. We also noticed a lot of people collecting maple leaves, and some even made hats out of them (URL for the photos at the bottom of the post). Then it was time for lunch and heading back into town in order to be there in time to organise a bit of a bucks/hens night for our soon-to-be-wed couple.
This of course took place in The Idiot, where our dears had to play a game based on their knowledge of each other. The questions were along the lines of "what colour should the walls in the bedroom be painted" where they both had to write and answer and if the answers matched they each got a point... or a question for Vika "Do a pantomime of Denis in the morning", and for Denis "Do a pantomime of how Vika behaves at an important social function". We all had fun and the best prize went to Denis in the shape/form of a fish-net g-string... which he was very happy to demonstrate for everyone... although only on top of his pants... damn! Actually a funny tangent to do with this piece of attire involved us (Robert, Kate, Jack and me) going into a Russian sex-shop... a complete new experience for me. We ended up in a tiny place the size of half of our lounge-room, together with about 4-5 other guys between the ages of 25 and 30 picking out naughty movies. As soon as we came in and started making jokes and laughing about plastic fists and bums that were on sale the serious male clientele somewhat disappeared or for those of you Harry Potter fans - disapparated. Man.. I felt really sorry for the young girl who was working there... she seemed somewhat miserable surrounded by plastic boobs and KY Gels.
Monday was the big day. The morning involved me playing translator for Robert who still needed a suit... which in the end worked out to be quite nice,... so nice in fact that Jack got inspired to get himself a matching shirt. While the suit was being pressed we headed back to the hotel to get dressed and ready for our mini-bus at 16:30. On the dot we (Robert, Kate, Zach - who arrived 2 hours prior, Augustin, Anna, Lilian, Mariya, Maxim - husband of Olga - Vika's bridesmaid and their daughter Masha, Jack and I) pulled out of Sovetskaya Street and headed for the Alexandriiskaya Naberejnaya where the action was to take place. Our red Mercedes mini-bus pulled up next to a pink limo, and we felt right at home. The bride and groom arrived shortly after looking spectacular. We proceeded into a beautiful old building where the couple went upstairs to prepare and we were seated in a dark leather-and-wood salon waiting to follow. 5-10 mins later a woman announced "Family and friends of Denis Matveev and Viktoriya Gladkovskaya please proceed upstairs". We went up a white marble staircase into a large hall with golden chandeliers. Robert and Olga were standing outside the big doors behind which Denya and Vika were getting the final advice.
They came out beaming and we all were led into an even larger hall where the registrar was already waiting. We were all seated and only the wedding couple were standing holding each other. The registrar said a few words about the joining of two lives together and then the vows were pronounced following by the rings. They then signed the certificates, followed by Robert and Olga. This whole time must've been traumatic for Sasha, because she held onto her Mum the whole time during the ceremony. Afterwards it was time for congratulations, hugs and photos. And of course then it was time to ... party!!!!
The mini-bus took about an hour to get us a couple of block up the Neva... but peak hour traffic in St Pete is no fun. In our time in the car we managed to consume any available food that any of us had on them, had a look at the Mednii Vsadnik (Bronze Horseman - famous statue of Peter the Great), and were about to start consuming Augustin's good red wine when the driver finally got a free streak in front and we happened to be at a place right next to the Hermitage overlooking the river. I mean - these people got style!
Dinner involved a huge number of yummy russian things, and lots to drink. Robert did a wonderful toast, during which most of us - even men managed to cry. Denya's Mum did a great speech (which made me realise that on some level all Russian mothers are the same) about having many many kids. And then it was time for dancing an singing (the DJ had a microphone that got the attraction of young and old).. and towards midnight it was time for cigars and the smoke machine.. and Sweet Dreams - requested by your humble... By this stage Denya, Vika and Sasha went off to their wedding chambers, and all of us caught cabs back to the hotel and played Krokodil (charades) and smoked cigars 'till 3am... at which stage our bodies gave up and we all went to bed.
Tuesday was our day to say goodbye to our wonderful Denechka and Vika and Sasha... and Kate and Zach, and Augustin. It was one of our best trips to Russia and it wouldn't have been half as much fun if those guys weren't around. I mean Denya getting married also helped :))))
Some other random highlights of the trip:
- Making Kate say "Nigger" for the first time
- Arguing with a dodgy taxi driver who wanted 600 roubles instead of the original 400.. and then running off to the Music of the Roofs to hide from him and his cohorts.
- Robert being told to take his hat off in the Russian Museum next to a painting by Malevitch "Это же храм искусства!" ("This is a temple of art") we were told by the Babushka.
Phewww... I hope this can now classify for a detailed account of the events ;) a limited selection of photos can be found here.
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