Tuesday, March 31, 2020

Corona Chronicles - The finest of German bureaucracy

So I just got a call from the health authority. Following is a rough transcript of our conversation.

Health Authority Man (HAM): Good day dear Frau G. How are you doing today? I hope the same as yesterday?
Me: Good day. Yes, I am doing well. Still symptom free.
HAM (laughing): That's just unacceptable! (in German he said: Das ist eine Schweinerei!) ... well then that's all for now. (about to hang up)
Me: Excuse me, I have a question.
HAM: Yes?
Me: I was told that after 14 days of quarantine my details will be passed onto the public health officer, who will lift the quarantine. Could you tell me when this will happen?
HAM: At midnight tonight all information will be passed onto the public health officers.
Me: And do you know when I will be informed that the quarantine is lifted?
HAM: I really can't say. Unfortunately our process was changed as of this morning and we have not been informed of how things will work from now on. So I can't tell you what will happen or when or how.
Me: Ummm... so where does that leave me?
HAM: I'm sorry, but I really can't say. And no-one in the health authority can say, because nobody knows.
Me: Ummm... but I can't be expected to just sit at home indefinitely... Surely you can understand my point of view.
HAM: Right. And I do. But I just can't tell you what will happen next or if anything will happen.
Me: Ok, but if I am still feeling fine tomorrow and have no symptoms, and I haven't heard back from you or the public health officer, then I will go outside on Thursday.
HAM: Yeah... I mean... that makes sense to me... (laughing)
Me: Ok then.
HAM (still laughing): Good bye Frau G. and I wish you to stay healthy!
Me: Thanks for your call. Good bye.

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